I Knew
by Muthru
Summary: That one time I shall take to my grave. Slash SBJP.


Title: I knew

Genre: Angst, Slash

Rating: M

Pairing: SB/JP (JP/LP mention)

Summary: That one time I shall take to my grave.

A/N: First time writing angst, let me know how it went.

All those summers watching you sleep on your boxers because it was too hot for anything else. To be able to watch but not touch was torture and especially when you called out her name in passion locked away from my eyes in the shower. But not now. Now you lie next to me hesitant, sad but determined.

This is the first time you have crawled willingly into my bed for something else than nightmares. You ask if there is something so bad and wrong about you that no one can love you. That she can't love you.

I want to tell you I would love you if I was given the chance. And as we lie there in the darkness I want to curse her to hell for making you sound and feel like there is no more Chocolate Frogs. Like you are the scum under her shoe. She doens't deserve you but you still love her. How I hate her.

I know you aren't mine to keep but you are mine for now for this one night that I know will never happen again. A memory I shall always treasure in my heart.

Your hands shake as you try to undo my pyjamas. One button at a time you slide your hands down towards my crotch. Your hands stop their journey when they reach the edge of my golden and red snitch pyjamas. Your cheeks redden when I take hold of your hand and slide it all the way down to my pants to my hardness.

You have never done this before not to another man but you still grab it like it was your own and this was just one of the times you had to relieve youself. Confident as always no matter what.

I hear myself moan as you slide your hand experimentally over the tip of my hardness. Merlin it feels good. Like coming home. Coming home to you. Just to have your hand is enough to make me scream my release but I refuse. Not this soon, no.

I open my eyes to see you have taken off your own pyjams. I rise from the bed and walk to my trunk. The minute I leave I can sence the insecurity in your moves. I look back from the trunk and smile waving the lubricant in my left hand.

It's possible you get even redder hiding your face from me. I pad back to the bed swaying my hips a little more than is healthy. I place the lubricant onto my nightstand and crawl towards the amazing body keeping the bed warm.

I let my hands glide over the heated and sweaty skin pushing you to lie on your back. I don't think I have ever seen black hair look so soft and desirable as it does now all messy and tangled on my pillow. I can't help but run my hand thru the dark locks.

You let yourself relax and enjoy my hands that are now spreading your muscular thighs.

I settle between your legs and admire the view. Your brown eyes lock with my gray one's. I can't believe this is finally happening. The moment I have been dreaming of for years alone in my bed at night. How I wish you would feel the same. But I know you don't, you never will not as long as she lives and maybe not even then.

In the morning it's going to be so hard to let you go to be just your friend your brother. To once again look from the shadows while you try to make her notice you.

But at least I get to remember you like this, when I lie in my bed alone at night, when you don't come to me anymore, when she finally has you because she will. You are nothing if not determined.

oooooooooooooooooooo

He spreads my thights and settles between them. Ours eyes meet and I can see the disbelief and sorrow in his eyes and then a small smile. He thinks I don't know.

He reaches towards his nightstand for the lubricant. He opens the cork and soaks three of his long fingers.

Finally his gaze is back to me asking if this is what I really want. I nod and wait for the fingers that warily start to prepare me for him.

The first finger slides into me exploring. A sligh burn. Then the second one joins the first one. A minor discomfort. In and out until he thinks I am ready.

As he pulls his fingers off and settles in position to enter he asks one more time with his eyes.

I won't stop him, not anymore. I just spread my legs even wider taking hold of my knees. I want him to love me tonight, I want someone to love me and I know he does. Has for years.

oooooooooooooooooooo

He is the one I'm thinking about when I lie broken under the ruins of my, our hallway, her's and mine. I do not think of the screams or cries coming from upstairs. As I lie there I can only think his soft hands running between my sweaty thighs his hardness thrusting hard into me. And when I take my last breath I feel his wet lips on mine and there is no more pain.

Fin


End file.
